What is depression?
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ―Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Many people do not understand what depression truly is.
Extroverted people look upon the world with rose colored glasses. They believe the world as seen through their eyes must be the same for everyone, but there are a great many people who are introverts who would respectfully disagree.
Sometimes those blessed with an extroverted mindset embrace depression too.
We all have that one friend that we are jealous of. We all have a friend that we wish we could switch places with. Like one of those grade B movies from many years ago where the “Souls” of two characters in the movie switched bodies.
My friend Steve was such a person. Steve was the kind of guy that you could put in a room with twelve people that he didn’t know, and in an hour he would have a dozen new friends.
I worked with Steve for several years. Every time a pretty lady would work there Steve would pray upon his next victim, and the hapless lady would always melt before his charms.
Steve was an outgoing alpha male, confident, and very desirable looking to the opposite sex. He would often brag about the number of women that he was intimate with, and the size of his manhood, like many men do.
In Steve’s case a few women who claimed to be intimate with him verified that he was well endowed.
Steve had a hidden secret though. Steve suffered from suicidal depression. Looking back his was more manic – depressant. During his manic modes he was on top of the world, and could charm and influence anybody.
During the depressed swing of the pendulum Steve only cared about his drug of choice at the time, and who he could scam out of money to get more. Those of you familiar with the book, The Kybalion: Centenary Edition will understand that analogy.
As a total loser I always wondered what someone like Steve could possibly have to be depressed about. If I were blessed with Steve’s gifts in life I would never get depressed, I thought.
Steve it seems had a rough childhood. His father left when he was a young child, and his mother often told him growing up that she never wanted a child. He would often say, “How would you feel it your mother always told you that?”
Steve and I eventually drifted apart, but we saw each other sporadically to catch up on each other’s lives, and talk about old times.
I worked close to the hospital, and one day I heard Steve’s familiar voice call my name. I turned around to see a thin, frail, and pasty white guy standing there that I barely recognized.
He had just got out of the hospital, and told me that he suffered from kidney failure from not drinking enough water, and wasn’t going to live much longer, before asking for a ride home.
I drove him home, and he thanked me for being his only true friend in this lifetime. He said, “If you never see me again, you will know what happened.”
That was the last time I saw Steve.
Two months later I heard from a friend, who heard from Steve’s ex-girlfriend that Steve was found dead in a Walmart bathroom. I would think something like that would make the news. I searched online, but I never found any proof.
Years of drug abuse, and multiple suicide attempts, and it was kidney failure that finally did him in, although I believe the years of drug use facilitated his kidney failure.
Rest in peace old friend. Thanks for the memories.
If you are depressed, or feeling suicidal there is help.
Call (USA) 800-273-TALK (8255)
Online National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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